I have been wanting to write this post for quite some time now. But tonight after a conversation with a friend and newer mom, the prompt was clear that this was the day. I think the fact that it's Mothers Day week makes this even harder and more meaningful for me. 2016 marks a very big year in our house. Many things to celebrate, and most for me are bittersweet.
I think a lot about being a mom and what that really means. What exactly is the role of a mom, why were we chosen to conceive, carry and give birth to these little ones. Once they're here, what do we do with them? I have always known and thought of my children as a gift from our Creator. Not just a gift, but a loan. Funny thing, I was reminded of that very thing tonight during my conversation with a friend. She is woman who truly understands the gift, and is treasuring it dearly. I sometimes think is it a cruel joke that we are given these tiny human beings through conception, then birth , then we are to feed, clothe, cuddle, nurse them back to health when they are sick, teach them every task from beginning until the skill is mastered, to just one day let them go?? What was God thinking? Right? I still don't have the perfect answer . However I am at a very interesting stage in the game of motherhood. The spectrum has a huge range for me. This year will mark my oldest, Baily, starting medical school, my second, Jackson, graduating college and going to dental school, the twins , Sam and Grace graduating high school and on to Indiana University, and Meghan, number 5 in line will start high school in the fall. My little caboose Ben will have his day, but for now it's not about the baby of this clan. When I look at my role in their lives as their mom, I think that the loan I have been given needed to be taken such good care of, with the most delicacy and the most strength. This job is not for the weak, nor the harsh. I look at my kids and examine them and their character the way my Father will one day when they are returned to Him. Are they good people? Kind? Loving? Forgiving? How do they act when I'm not watching. All things I pray that they uphold in society where they need to be free and survive as adults. Have I done too much? Too little? The answers will be in the "letting go." The two words I dread. It's not about not wanting them to leave, it's about making sure they're are ready and equipped . Have I done my role with the gift that was given to me on loan? I know that once they walk out the door and begin these new journeys in their lives, I will have my answer to these questions. My gut tells me they will all succeed and succeed well, my heart tells me I haven't had enough time, it went by too fast. I do know that with all the time I've had, I wouldn't change a minute. I know they feel loved, because they are, they feel confident because I built them up and never told them they couldn't do something. They are all competitive , because in a big world you have to be. Most importantly, they know how to love back, and be kind. So whether my heart is ready or not, my littles have grown, with a little more growing to do. I am proud of them all and if my God is proud, that is all that matters. I thank Him for these gifts, for they have taught me how much a God who created all the living things can love without condition. So if you are letting go for the first or maybe the last time, be proud that you were chosen for this gift and role as a mom. To all my littles who are moving on to great things...Soar...spread your wings and fly, I love you!
Sam and Grace...11 months old Seems like yesterday
First day of kindergarten...Sam and Grace
Jackson 9, Sam 5, Meghan 1, Grace 5, and Baily 10
Sam and Grace...17
Sam 17, Meghan 13, Ben 9, Jackson 21, Baily 23, Grace 17
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!